Let’s face it: English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger and neither pine nor
apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England;French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for
granted. But if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksand takes you down
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is
it a pig.If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing. If the plural of tooth is
teeth, shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?If the teacher taught, why didn’t the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats
vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat!!!? Why do people recite at a
play, yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn
up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out.And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity
of the human race (which of course isn’t a race at all). That is why when the
stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? If Love is blind,
why is lingerie so popular?Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is a person
who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not
called a racist?Why are wise men and wise guys opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean
opposite things?If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that
electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models
deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the
universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you
will have to touch it to be sure?If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he
become disoriented?If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren’t people from Holland
called "Holes?"And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts but when I wind up this
story ends?